So in Wonderland, that mysterious invisible figure was communicating with Magnus through Thieves’ Cant, right? And that figure ended up being Barry. Meaning at some point, extraplanar researcher and overall nerd Barold J. Bluejeans learned thieves’ cant. Did he get into trouble at some point and got pulled into a thieves’ guild somehow? Or was Barry’s case more like:
Bad News: Our team needed to convince a group of rogues that we were trustworthy.
Good News: We didn’t have to go on some kind of elborate sidequest to earn their trust.
Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know Thieves’ Cant, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.
Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.
Bad News: It was Lup, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.
Like listen. Taako? From TV? He is not fashionable. He does not wear cool stylish clothing. He wears auspicious and gaudy clothing. What Taako wears is not good. But he works it so well that no one can tell? You see him and you’re like “yeah that’s a good look he looks so good that’s some trendy ass fashion” and you don’t realize until 6 months later at 3 am on a cold Tuesday that he was wearing sparkly heelies, velvet athletic shorts, a fanny pack, and a t shirt from goodwill with some weirdly specific text about fishing on it.
that time when carey thought magnus was hitting on her and she was like “you’re not my……. cup of tea” and mag was like “i know you’re gay” and made her a ring
it ended on episode 69, which is the sex number
lup was looking after her dumbass brother and the first thing she did when she could talk to him was kinkshame him
angus mcdonald, boy detective
the moon base, home to the bureau of balance and also fantasy costco and the chug n squeeze
the form of transport between the planet and the not-really-the-moon moon is cannons
the lack of description of garfield the deals warlock, leading to most fanart of him being garfield the cat
when lup made the umbra staff, which justin knew would become an icon of his character, taako made fun of her for looking like a clown
lup is arguably the coolest character and she’s trans
all the gays
boyland’s 400 sons and 13 daughters and unknown number of wives and husbands
the big enemy is basically vore
team sweet flips, which is 2 lesbians and a robot who is also probably lesbian
abraca-fuck-you
merle has completely forgotten that kravitz was responsible for the loss of his arm and continues to blame magnus
magnus eating the philosopher’s stone
everyone just assumed that the reason tres horny boiz could resist the relics was bc they were dumb as hell
they almost always refuse to take anything seriously, but when they are serious… oh boy
garyl the binicorn
klarg just wants to drink tea with taako
characters such as tom bodett (who is every citizen of rockport), della reese (a powerful angel), and clint mcelroy (the embezzling janitor)
taako wore a skirt and the other boys kept trying to make it a Man Skirt™ but justin was like “no dudes it’s just a skirt”
merle switched gods and clint immediately forgot who his previous god was
“taako went on a date with death” “[you hear a very familiar voice that makes you so happy but you don’t know why] is it kravitz?” “you’re dating the grim reaper??” “i love you, taako” “i saw my boyfriend” “my boyfriend is death”
the way the boys get so invested in the npcs
all of the antagonists are so good (magic brian, jenkins, sloane, kravitz, the purple worm, lydia & edward, john hunger) (actually fuck lydia & edward. jenkins also is kinda shitty. of course the hunger isn’t great exactly. but yeah magic b, sloane, krav, and that bigass worm are all wonderful and gay)
the ipre, aka nasa but with wizards
griffin’s elevator fetish
it’s me, taako. you know, from tv?
taako’s relationship with paloma. his disappointment when he was tryin to talk about baking and she was like “uhhhhhhhhhhhhh scone magic”. him calling her the oldest woman he had ever seen.
the cleric never heals anyone but damn he can make people tell the truth
the whole thing actually
feel free to add on
34. the music 35. how clear it is that, despite their mocking of each other, they love each other 36. the character development and the detail that went into every character 37. when taako casts a spell and griffin goes “oh my god, justin” 38. how furious justin gets when travis & clint don’t do character voices 39. “your dungeon master, your best friend, and your ______” 40. “sturdy. denim. and blue.” 41. kravitz’s accents 42. the trinity of rad magic objects: the umbra staff, the extreme teen bible, and the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom 43. justin immediately hopped aboard the lup appreciation train, as did everyone else 44. when things start out as goofs but then get serious 45. this applies to all mcelroy products: their unique dialect/slang 46. the pocket spa & workshop 47. magnus’s ending except only the part with the dogs 48. the deities: pan, istus, the raven queen, jeffandrew, 49. how open the boyz are to all interpretations of their characters 50. refuge (especially roswell, the nonbinary clay guardian you never knew you needed) 51. the wlw/mlm solidarity between taako and hurley & sloane 52. when they call each other by nicknames (ditto, juice, scraps, etc) i’ll think of more and rb some responses later but i’m very sleepy and it’s almost 1 am so i’m going to bed
The Director leans forward over her desk, her face drawn and intent. “So I suppose you’re wondering why I called you three in h–”
“Actually, Madam Director,” Taako interrupts, “I’m wondering how you got this lavender tea so right.”
The Director blinks. “I simmer the lavender blossoms in a saucepan with water and honey, because I’m not a fucking barbarian. Twenty minutes, dash of vanilla, the whole thing. Anyway–”
“It’s good tea,” Merle pipes up.
“Thanks, Merle. So–”
“Hold up, hold up. Holllld up.” Taako actually raises his hand. “How– okay, I mean, what the hell, that’s exactly how I make lavender tea, how’d you know?”
“I know everything, I’m the Director.”
“Are you spying on us?” Magnus says, suddenly interested.
“I can, uh, no, I can’t confirm that, or, deny, that horrific breach of employer-employee confidentiality. I probably just know that stuff because of all the cool superpowers you get when you’re in charge of a secret moon-based operation.”
Merle waves his hand enthusiastically. “Hey, what’s tattooed on my butt!”
“Kenny Chesney, which I know on account of you came into my actual office with your whole entire ass hanging out.”
“It was like three quarters, max,” Magnus says. “Hey, what’s my favorite tea?”
“You think tea is for chumps.”
“I do,” Magnus says, earnestly pleased.
“Does anyone have any non-tea related questions?”
Merle waves his hand again. “Do you know about our secret st—“
“Taped under Magnus’s bed. Yes.”
“Aw,” Magnus says to his tea.
“For someone with such extensive woodworking proficiency, I really thought you’d have, like, a secret drawer somewhere,” the Director says thoughtfully.
“Hey, taped under the mattress is a classic,” Taako says.
“It’s very, mm, very college hijinks, reminiscent, very Animal House.”
“Bullshit, you never watched Animal House,” Merle says.
“I may— I might have. You don’t know.”
“Name one— name one scene! Just one! Gimme a quote!”
“I don’t have to, because I’m your boss. Can I get back to telling you about your new incredibly important mission to save the whole— basically the whole entire world, already, or do you want to waste more time playing Fantasy fucking Trivia?”
The three Reclaimers look at each other, and then Taako uses mage hand to pour himself more lavender tea.
“What’s Merle’s favorite tea?” he asks, grinning, and the Director drops her face into her hands.
“Chamomile,” she says, in the grave, sorrowing tones of one who must bear the unbearable, year after thankless fucking year. “He thinks it’s sexy.”
a concept: taako casually opening a portal to the astral plane bc his husband forgot his lunch
imagine the drama of it all. he’d spend every single spell slot he has trying to get the damn thing to open, then once he finally got it, he’d fix his hair, swan in, march right into a reaper squad meeting, “hey lup, hey barold, hey babe,” kiss kravitz’s cheek, put the lunchbox directly into kravitz’s hands, then swan out. absolutely nonchalant.
he’s outta there before kravitz can ask h o w he did that, but when he opens his lunchbox, he finds a note that says I have magical powers, remember? Bon appétit! XOXO and he just kinda stares at it for a while. the necromancers end up with like thirty extra minutes because lup and barry are doubled over laughing. it’s a damn good lunch, though.
blackash26 