Tag: DnD
Alternative paradigms for D&D spellcasting classes, part 1
- Bard: Some cultures believe that the Creator sang the universe into existence, which is both correct and completely literal. Using scraps of divine melodies stolen from those few beings old enough to have heard them first-hand, a bard beguiles and bamboozles the very fabric of Creation into carrying out her wishes – in essence, successfully impersonating God. (This is why bardic spells depend on Charisma – when running a con job, projecting confidence is more important than getting the fine details right!) Demonstrating bardic magic in the presence of angels and other celestial beings is not recommended.
- Cleric: Contrary to popular belief, clerical magic does not flow from a divine patron, nor from the cleric’s own belief in her principles; there are clerics dedicated to philosophies with no identifiable deity, and even a few clerics who believe in nothing at all. Rather, clerics are able to perform miracles because other people believe they can. The humble village priest’s power is limited by her small audience, while the truly mighty cultivate reputations known by millions. Many of the most powerful clerics are hereditary monarchs, trading on the fact that “everyone knows” the hands of a King are the hands of a healer. Confusingly, the gods do exist, but have nothing to do with the magic of their self-appointed representatives.
- Wizard: “Spells” are living – albeit intangible – creatures that the wizard induces to inhabit her brain. They produce magical effects on demand as payment for the wizard’s cranial hospitality. High-level wizards learn to cultivate more spacious and luxurious mental accommodations, allowing them to house both larger numbers of spell-creatures and more demanding ones. While most low level spell-creatures are essentially interchangeable, high level spells (particularly those of 6th level or greater) may be named individuals with distinct personalities and opinions; a wizard who repeatedly prepares a particular spell may end up with the same entity over and over again.
man all of these really rock something amazing
I love it
These are amazing.
I’ve never seriously questioned my class alignment before, but these make me kinda wonder a bit…
Monk artwork by Jimmy Xu.
Barbarian artwork by Aditya777
Bard artwork by Shadow-Net
Cleric artwork by Alexander Casteels
Fighter artwork by Genzoman
Sorcerer artwork by Sergon
Paladin artwork by unknown
Ranger artwork by Supanova89
Rogue artwork by ChrisCold
Wizard artwork by tadp0l3
^^^ Hero
Yeah, this is what the D&D party thinks they’re gonna be like, and then they show up and it’s all screaming and rolling 1s and the gnome’s on fire and the druid is making sarcastic remarks while the paladin disarms traps with his head.
May all your friends’ schedules sync up when you want to play D&D
so I’ve got this headcanon that Guardians of the Galaxy is really the Avengers playing a table top roleplaying game, where Bucky’s the DM who suffers through heaps and loads of trolling
Mostly from Steve
Especially from Steve
Which means Natasha was the one who sat down and wrote out the long, comprehensive backstory for her kickass space assassin Gamora, that Bucky keeps trying to work into the campaign but they keep getting sidetracked by –
Tony who just created what he sees himself as – the suave, wise-cracking space vagabond.
Thor who needed a lot of help building his character and decided on a couple easy to remember traits (Strong, honor, doesn’t get metaphors)
and Bruce who’s actually too busy to pay full attention so any time Bucky asks what he wants to do he just says “I am Groot” and lets Steve decide
Oh my god.
Headcanon accepted so hard
“We need to break out of this prison. Bucky, do I know anything about it?”
“Roll knowledge, Steve.”
“Seventeen.”
“From your years of experience and multiple prison escapes, you believe that if you can get one of the prison guard’s security bands to get into the watchtower, and one of the power cells to overload the security systems, you should be able to pull off an escape.”
“Perfect. Nat, you have sleight of hand trained, right?”
“Yes I do, Steve.”
“Alright, you get the wristband. Bruce, grab the power cell.”
“Yeah, sure, I am Groot.”
“Even in a board game, boy scout has to give the orders, huh?”
“Alright Tony, what’s-”
“Excuse me, my name Star Lord, thank you.”
“…Alright, Star Lord. What’s your plan?”
“Well…Bucky?”
“Knowledge, Tony.”
“…Four.”
“You’ve never been in prison before, so you have no idea. You think Rocket’s plan makes sense though.”
“Alright, fine. What do you want me to do, Captain Raccoon?”
“Only the most important for you, Space King. Bucky, does anyone in the prison have a robotic arm?”
“I swear if you’re going where I think you’re going with–”
“Okay, leg. Robotic leg, not arm.”
“Yes, there is one guy with a prosthetic leg.”
“Tony I want you to get me that guy’s leg.”
“…Why?”
“Just trust me, we need it for the plan.”
“Bucky, can I sense motive on Rocket?”
“Go ahead.”
“…These dice are weighted.”
“What?”
“What’d you get, Stark?”
“One.”
“Not only do you believe that Rocket needs the leg, you believe it is the single most important part of the plan. Without that leg, everything will fall to pieces.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll get the leg.”
“Perfect. Avengers, let’s get to work.”
“Removing the power cell will set off the alarm, so you believe you should start with–”
“I go remove the power cell.”
“…Bruce, that’s…not a good idea. Like I said, ripping that out will set off the alarm.”
“Right, exactly, sounds like fun. I go to rip it out.”
“But…but I spent all week coming up with persuasion and stealth scenarios for–-”
“This is what, a strength check?”
“…Yes Bruce, it’s a strength check.”
“I got a 20.”
“…You rip out the power cell with a single tug, setting off the alarm and alerting every single guard in the prison to your escape attempt. Roll for initiative, and remember that I hate all of you.”
The “Dread Gazebo” is one of those inside jokes that everybody in the D&D/RPG community is supposed to know, but that makes it really hard to actually learn. Everyone references it, but nobody actually tells the original story. I played D&D for years before I got up the nerve to ask why everyone made jokes about gazebos.
Just in case any of my followers my be in the boat. Here’s a link to the original story.
In a turn of events that surprises exactly no one, it turns out that Jews like Dungeons and Dragons, a game that involves lots of books, lots of rules, and lots of arguing.
@dafyomilimerick replied to your photo:
“Anything is within your alignment if you can make a convincing case to the DM. The rest is commentary. Go and learn.” – Rabbi Hillel, 25th level Cleric.
Despite the fact that I have never actually played D&D and have no specific, concrete plans to do so, I have been playing around for a while now with the idea of a homebrewed character class: Chef.
The Chef is inspired
partly
by the Heroes’ Feast (which I was, of course, made aware of by watching Critical Role) and partly by the fact that the Bard is a thing. Much as the Bard makes magic through music, the Chef’s food serves as potions. One friend summed it up as “like an alchemist, but more delicious.”
Cookies or brownies would probably grant Inspiration and/or Diplomacy bonuses (not even magical; this is literally how I make friends IRL). Caffeinated beverages would grant either a movement bonus or resistance to sleep, a banana-oatmeal smoothie would grant resistance to acid, etc.
Interestingly, this results in the whole “preparing spells for the day” thing making rather more sense than it does for the other magical classes, since the food must literally be prepared and (depending on the food) it can’t keep for all that long.
In combat, of course, the Chef would be skilled with knives (although, alternatively, they could also swing a mean skillet). At higher levels, they might also gain some elemental (especially thermal) magics. All combat skills would have names like Julienne or Flambée. (A spell to steal the breath from an enemy called Sous-Vide would be fun.) The Chef’s Favored Enemy would be the Rust Monster: ”I just got that pan properly seasoned!”
That, of course, brings us to the jokes:
- It has been suggested that there should be a chef based on Guy Fieri, likely either a dwarf or a half-orc.
You cannot tell me Emeril is not an elvish name. Emeril Legolasse.
- Chefs of a religious bent would most likely be followers of Alton, god of good eats.
- A halfling Chef (obviously a good combination) whose Mysterious Backstory turns out to be that she is secretly a noblewoman who ran away from home because of Reasons. A perfectly solid basis for a character with lots of dramatic potential, but once it’s revealed, it becomes a game of seeing how long it takes your tablemates to catch on that you’re playing the Barefoot Contessa.
I wanna see the Grand Tourney of Kitchen Stadium for the amusement of Lord Kaga.
YES GOOD PERFECT
this is just. so great in so many ways, but also:
the best possible use of the term “homebrewed.”
*cackle* That was not even intentional!
I feel like the Chef class ought to have healing capabilities, along with all of the above. I mean, even in real life chicken soup is basically a healing potion, right?
blackash26 