You enter a brightly light, nondescript room. In the center of the room is a cat. The cat is screaming about something.
>_
>PET
You cannot reach the cat.
The cat’s screaming continues.
>_
>SCREAM IN COMPLIANCE.
The cat may want to converse with you. You scream at the cat unintelligibly, as loudly as possible.
The cat seems unperturbed, and responds to your scream by screaming more loudly.
>_
>THROW MOUSE TOY AT CAT
You notice a cat toy on the floor nearby. Hastily, you pick the toy up and toss it to the cat. Unfortunately, you aim poorly in your haste and strike the cat in the face with the toy.
The cat stops screaming. She is not pleased.
>_
>SUMMON DOG
Though you have no magical powers that you are aware of, you approach the cat and attempt to cast a spell of Summon Dog. Surprisingly, a small dog appears near the cat.
The cat, perhaps surprised by the dog’s sudden appearance, begins screaming again.
>_
>OFFER FOOD
Nearby is a small container of cat food. You present it to the cat, who immediately consumes the entirety of the container and promptly falls asleep.
You have reached the end of the Cat Ownership Simulator. Thank you for playing. For a more realistic experience, we recommend playing the Cat Ownership Simulator every day for the next 15 to 20 years.
(first tiger jumps in) *laughing* Vanya, what is this? Van’ … Van’, get out of the boot, Van’. (second tiger approaches) Mishka … let’s go. Mish, let’s go. Mishka! Mish, let’s go. Come on, sit. Sit. (third tiger comes in) Bonya, you too are here! Ok let’s go guys. Let’s go! *starts singing* x
Just Russian Things
Big cat stuff can often be sketchy even if the content looks cute, so I clicked on the source for the video and this guy apparently runs a sanctuary for rescue tigers and other big cats near Moscow. His YouTube bio is in Russian, but here’s what it says according to Google Translate:
So you can feel happy knowing that these big dumb cats are loved and being looked after.
Oh man, you have you idea how relieved I am to see that followup. I thought this was some crazy oligarch or something…
1. Because your cat is able to see in ultraviolet light, your cat can see more stars in the night sky than you. Cats may even use these stars to navigate by.
2. Similarly, your cat can detect hidden bottles of tonic water far faster than you can. Some say that cats can also detect spirits unnoticed by humans. This means that, at least in theory, your cat could make a gin and tonic and bring it to you far faster than you could make one yourself. Of course, your cat will not do this. Your cat is not interested in your comfort.
3. Cats are able to see the tiny ghosts of unmade cakes, which float around warm places trying to get people to bake them out of purgatory. Occasionally, a kindly-minded cat may give them a good kneading in the hope of raising them to someone’s attention.
4. Cats can see themselves, even in the dark, on the floor, in the crook of the winding stairs. With their eyes closed, they can still see some part of themselves. Thus secure that they have been noticed by the most important being in the room, cats sleep like the despots of newly-formed micronations and have delicious dreams.
5. Your cat is also able to see the flaws in your theory. However, your cat is not interested in providing assistance to improve the theory. No, your cat just wants to sit there and look superior.
6. Cats are able to see the passage of high-energy cosmic particles through a room. Sometimes, your cat will attempt to act as a particle detector by leaping to catch them. The presence of any cat toy nearby is entirely co-incidental. Interestingly, the Square Kilometre Cat Array (SKCA) paticle detector is now in the construction stage somewhere South of Bogota and should be providing us with fascinating results about local astrophysical events very shortly.
7. Cats are able to see people who really need a cat sitting on them. Scientists do not know which criteria they use to make this judgement. For many cats, a person’s strong dislike of cats qualifies them for a particularly persistent sitting-on.
8. Cats are able to see the other person’s point of view, they just do not agree.
9. If you give them a seashell, cats can see as well as hear the sea. If it is a large enough seashell, your cat will walk into the seashell and disappear, only to be found seven years later living a life of fishy luxury on a remote Pacific island.
if any of my posts deserved to get a lot of notes its this one
yooo it’s me, cat, your resident cat to give you some neato burrito information about what she’s doing in this video
effectively? mothercat is counting her kittens.
yes.
you see cats do this before they leave their kittens to go hunt, or drink, or lay in the sun, or whatever she’s doing that day, and they do it again after. it’s basically her calling, and the kittens responding. she’ll do it until all of them are accounted for. if she can’t find one (and she will know if one isn’t responding) she will become very distressed.
it’s also her way of quickly assessing her kittens. a healthy kitten has bright, happy peeps like the kitten here. a sick kitten would sound reedier, weaker, or unable to mew at all.
all kittens sound different, and mothercat can tell the difference between one baby’s peep and another. if verbal contact fails, she will use smell to seek out and check on her kittens.
mothercats are neat as hell
a+ to the mothercats.
I love the whiny baby with the white face and paws the most.
blackash26 