In flower language? Probably, I think I’ve even reblogged something to that effect. But….most ppl don’t know flower language anymore. No, if you need a true “fuck you” then here’s my DIY official tutorial, the Death Bouquet:
(This is gonna be the least wholesome post I’ve ever written and I am so sorry but I am also laughing while I type this.)
I’ve been railing on Pink Floyd roses a lot for their thorns lately because one has sliced my hand open recently. Get some of those.
Next. Get you some ornamental thorn roses. (I’m not 100% but I think mermaid climbing roses fall into this and are also brutal)
Next. Thistles. Lots of thistles. More thistles than sense.
Next. Dusty miller flower greens. Soft. Weak. Floppy. Clog up your bouquet with these, especially in the middle where they’ll make the stems stick together.
Next. Baby’s Breath. This is your secret weapon. You can’t tell when they’re dead half the time, they’re strong. Too strong. The wrong touch and FOOOOOOF. Tiny leaves and petals EVERYWHERE it’s as good as a glitter bomb.
NEXT. Abandon common arrangement sense. Fillers first, clog the center with fillers. Clog it, make it dense. Stick a rose or two in, but you want at least 70% filler.
NEXT. Hide the thistles. Hide them under the roses. Make sure some of the heads are at hand level. Spray them with water. You want those stems damp and miserable. Thistles harden as they die.
NEXT. The roses. Line this puppy in roses. Ornamentals and Floyds should be along the outside, this bouquet should be DEADLY to put any weight on. Spray them with water. This bouquet should be so tightly packed that your “handle” looks more like a solid mass than anything else.
NEXT. Wrap them in paper. TISSUE PAPER. Thin, weak, damp. Even gardening gloves can’t save your hands now.
NEXT. Be strong, treat the bouquet like a bed of nails. The more evenly spread the weight, the less likely you are to get hurt. You will be tempted to give these roses away in person, but be strong. Your ginger body language will give up the game.
FINALLY. Deliver them. Know. KNOW that your plan has worked, because anyone with any sense will see a bouquet and just FIST it with one hand. Maybe the other will come to support it. But just that. Just the hands. Meeting thorny death. A dozen little needle presses. The paper will be too damp to unravel, to see what has done this. They’ll grab it a few times, trying to learn the secret.
Deliver it with a nice note. Sincere, heartfelt. Make them feel obligated to deep the Death Bouquet. This is where the density comes in. Damp, suffocating, these flowers will mold in secret. They’ll die and their odor will permeate the air. But, because of the nature of the baby’s breath….it’ll be hard to find. Hard to detect. The roses will be sheltered because they’re on the outside, getting air and water. But the center will mold, and stink.
Eventually, they’ll realize it’s the flowers, and they’ll move the bouquet, and POOF, it will shatter, leaves and petals everywhere, releasing a gag worthy odor unlike anything they’ve smelled before.
And that’s how you say “fuck you” with a bouquet.
This was the most amazing read and I need to do this *now*
if you’re american and coming to australia, I’m gonna go ahead and say that you should be 100 percent way more worried about being king hit by a dude named “dane” in a bintang singlet than any fucking spiders that exist here
what does this say in english
“Good sir, if you are a resident of the United States of America and coming to visit the sunny land of Australia, allow me to inform you that you should be rather more concerned about being sucker punched by a gentleman named ‘Dane’ who is likely to be seen wearing a wifebeater with a beer company logo on it than by any of the dangerous spiders that exist on this lovely continent”.
ok so what does it say in american
“You’re more likely to get sucker punched/cold-cocked by an asshole than you are to be bitten by a spider”.
thank you
Well rattle my spoons, that don’t make a lick of sense. Wot in tarnation does this hootenanny say?
“If ya mosey on by Australia, you best be fixin’ to get to some fisticuffs more’n checkin fer spiders.”
So I was out to eat and this child(maybe 3 years old) in the booth next to us started crying loudly. The mom tried to calm him down but he started to go into tantrum mode and fussed even more. So she picked him up and walked out of the restaurant to a bench outside our window. We could hear her ask him, “look at me, what’s upsetting you?” To which he responded with more crying. So she says, “Well you’re clearly overwhelmed, so we’re going to sit out here and take a break until you can compose yourself and tell me what’s wrong.” Which is exactly what happened after a couple minutes. Anyways I just think it’s so good to speak to your children in a logical, respectful manner instead of shushing them and leaving them to deal with their stress alone.
this is such a surreal way to calm a child down like is a three year old really going to understand you like that ….
Yes, if it’s what they’re used to. It has to be consistent though, you can’t, like, suddenly start doing it one day and expect them to understand.
It also helps if you kind of narrate your own emotions when you’re upset even just over little things, like ‘oh! I just can’t get this to lay flat, but I really want to! I got mad because I couldn’t get it to work, and that’s frustrating!’
It feels silly at first, but it models it for them and helps them understand how to communicate (and recognize) their own emotions.
I think I reblogged the original post before, but I love and appreciate the further explanation. All in all this is a great practice, but some parents either don’t do it consistently, or aren’t taking in other factors (like, can your child process your words right now? Sometimes they can’t because EMOTIONS!) OR they do this without removing them from the stressor/stressful situation, and then their kid is overwhelmed and has no idea what their parent is saying to them. You need to look at your kid and make sure they’re taking in your words, and also not expect them to respond like an adult would.
You can also easily simplify the language, to something like “Hey what’s going on?” or “let’s get some space”/”I’m going to give you space” or “let’s take a break and take some deep breaths”
I’ve seen parents who just totally take this and start speaking to their children in ways that their child legitimately cannot understand, not necessarily because of their age, but because they have no context, or are too overwhelmed by outside factors, OR because their parents are expecting them to process words they’re not used to (consistency and modeling are key) and then demanding an adult response. That’s stressful. Using this kind of language with kids is GREAT to get your kids more in touch with their emotions and actions, but it’s important that you’re doing it correctly, paying attention to how your child responds, and providing them with a model in your own actions and interactions.
I work in education and how that parent in the first post helped their child calm down is exactly what we do when I work in preK through 1st grade classrooms.
I also do this with my own children and it ‘s incredibly helpful. Small children are able to tell you what’s wrong and tell you how they feel if they’re given the tools to do so.
Common mistakes parents make:
-Assuming this will work right away. It won’t. It takes time for kids to get used to this. Parents/families need to use this frequently, consistently, and using language children can understand.
-By not staying calm themselves. This will not work if you let your own emotions/frustrations get in the way. When this happens frustrated parents want the kids to ‘hurry up and tell them what’s wrong’. Kids can tell you’re upset/frustrated/impatient. This can make things worse. You as a parent/caregiver need to remain calm as well.
-Use language that the child doesn’t understand (as Enog mentioned above). Use language that your child CAN understand. A big thing you need to do even when your child isn’t upset is to identify feelings. Do this all the time. When a child can’t identify emotions, they have a hard time dealing with them. Use accessible language and model identifying as well as healthy ways to deal with various emotions.
-Failing to remove the child from a stressful situation. This is a VERY COMMON mistake parents and caregivers make. Young children in particular have a hard time focusing/calming down when overwhelmed. Some parents/caregivers expect the child to calm down while overwhelmed get frustrated with the child when this method doesn’t work. Be sure to remove your child from the stressful situation or stimulus before asking them to tell you what is wrong.
Many people won’t get it right the first time. Recognizing the frequent mistakes above will help parents/caregivers from making these errors.
My mom was also taught in my brothers daycare that you can start communicating with kids under 4 to get them used to communicating and to try and make the world seem less chaotic. They would tell the kids if they were going to stop playing in 10 minutes or change their diapers or eat or whatever. And as strange as it sounds that toddlers actually became less fussy and it really made the parents start paying attention to their kids and making sure that they were communicating. I’ve seen so many young kids have a tantrum because their parent just picks them up from playing and takes them instead of giving them a five or ten minute warning that might have made it so there was no problem at all. I’m sure it would set them up for everything mentioned in this post. I hate people that act like you shouldn’t communicate with kids or try and help them understand what’s going on around them, I just always think of how overwhelming and scary being a kid, and especially a very young child, can be.
^Important. 😀
Omg it’s so important to talk to kids about what’s going on even if they’re newborns and you think they can’t understand, at some point (long before they can talk themselves) they do and they learn that their feelings, needs and boundaries matter, that they’re people not objects to be moved about and acted upon
Research shows babies understand the gist of what parents are saying as early as six months. Explaining things to babies and toddlers like they’re real people who can understand you (which they are) is incredibly powerful and good for their brain and social development! For example, I was recently hanging out with parents who are really good at this. The one year old was fussing as my friend tried to get him to eat, and so she communicated everything she was doing with him. “I see that you don’t want the apple sauce right now. Is your tummy full? Let’s try the noodles. No, I can see you’re making a face, so I don’t think you want those. How about your bottle?” Etc. This starts an early precedent of clear communication and showing that you care and understand a child’s needs. Even when I was saying goodbye to the family, that kiddo clearly had no idea what was going on, and mom still made a point to say, “Sequoia is going home now, so we say goodbye. Bye Sequoia!” instead of saying bye without involving him.
That cat became an icon THIS MONTH AND IS STILL ONE.
that’s Jo-Pawveski, a stray who wandered onto the ice and past the nashville predators bench during round 2 of playoffs. They eventually picked her up and sent her to the humane society.
Here she is.
The SAN JOSE SHARKS won that game and attributed it to her, naming her after the Sharks captain: Joe Pavelski. When they found out she was a girl, they changed her name to Jo instead of Joe.
She became an instant good luck charm after that as the Sharks won every game at home that series and moved onto round three.
Since then, every game, they stack pucks and stick a idol to Jo for luck.
This little cat has had merchendise made out of her. She’s literally almost replaced SJ sharkie as maschot of the team.
I mean. I’m not making this up. I HAVE A RALLY TOWEL OF HER THEY GAVE OUT FOR GAME 1 OF THE 3RD ROUND. I OWN THIS FUCKING THING:
Yeah, this is what the D&D party thinks they’re gonna be like, and then they show up and it’s all screaming and rolling 1s and the gnome’s on fire and the druid is making sarcastic remarks while the paladin disarms traps with his head.
So, while I’m sure there are wranglers who dislike them (since personal taste varies), it is FAR from a universal opinion, and you shouldn’t feel bad about your tags. As I understand it, ambiguous names (Peter who? Parker? Quill? Pan?) are much more annoying and difficult to deal with.
Here’s a post about how to be kind to your tag wranglers, if you want to give them some love when you’re tagging, but you’re allowed to tag however you want (unless you want a a different capitalization scheme than the canonical tag in which case too bad it’s set in stone XD ).
wednesday is at the local library with her father, searching the shelves for a book uncle fester told her about dangerous animals in south america. Gomez strikes up a conversation with the elderly librarian mrs. phelps to help wednesday find what they are looking for.
“That one? Or, Mr. Addams – I’m afraid it’s been checked out.”
a squeaky wheel catches wednesday’s attention, and right past her walks a girl with an ENTIRE red-rocket wagon topped full of books. the girl carefully looks over each book and drops them carefully into the book-return
that’s when wednesday sees it – the book she’s been looking for.
wednesday walked slowly up to the girl’s wagon, and touched the cover.
“I just finished that one,” the girl says. wednesday straightens up. “It has a fascinating chapter on the red-bellied piranhas of South America.”
“We’re looking at getting one for Pugsley’s tank,” wednesday says.
“A piranha? It will eat your fish,” she said.
“I’m counting on it.”
“Is Pugsley your fish?”
“My brother.” Wednesday replied.
The girl thought a moment. “You’ll need at least a dozen – they hunt best in schools.”
wednesday just barely smiled, a single corner of her lips turning up. “I’m wednesday addams.” she said, extending a hand.
“Matilda,” the girl replied, shaking her hand. “Matilda Wormwood.”
I think the best part about this is that the Addams would adore her and just shower her with love.
“Wormwood,” says Gomez, enchanted. “What a lovely name.“
Don’t forget Miss Honey she would really love the Addams family and they her
She would initially be kind of concerned, but the moment Morticia opened the door and welcomed her and showed such kindness to her own daughter and to Matilda and to Miss Honey herself, as soon as Gomez was a complete gentleman welcoming them into their home, she’d love them. And they would be a little uncertain about her, so soft and sweet and light compared to them, but they would see how she didn’t stare in horror at their decor, and how she nodded along, listening intently, as they talked about Pugsly’s most recent achievements, and they would love her so.
blackash26 